What Anxiety Feels Like: An Analogy to Help You Understand

Author’s Note: I originally wrote this blog post in 2020. I rediscovered it recently when I logged into my therapy website to start blogging, for real this time. I read the post and said to myself, “Why the hell didn’t I publish this?!” I’d been paralyzed by the fear of being seen all those years ago, and that’s something I’m still working to move past. I’m sharing this post now, in hopes that it can help someone. I also want to inspire you to follow my lead and put yourself out there in some small way. In the long run, we tend to regret most the things we didn’t do and the chances we didn’t take…

Imagine you’re sitting in a chair. You're feeling very laid back, casual; even a little playful. You tip your chair to balance on the back two legs. You continue to chat and joke with whoever's around when... uh-oh! You've lost your balance, leaned back just a degree too far. There’s a split-second moment when you know you're going to fall but you haven't hit the floor yet, a sense of impending doom. And in that split second, your body has changed. The sense of stability and ease you had has been replaced with a pounding heart, breath held in, sweating, tight muscles. You're bracing for impact. Your mind is focused on this crash landing that's about to occur and you can't think about anything else. Now take this feeling and stretch it beyond a split second. Stretch it over hours, days, weeks, months. Sometimes even years. This is anxiety—in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If you fall out of your chair, you can pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off, bandaid a scraped elbow if need be, and get on with your day. But with anxiety, the crash landings we spend so much time fearing rarely come to pass. That and our worries aren't isolated. As soon as we reassure ourselves about one potential danger, those thoughts are replaced by worries about yet another threat; it's unending.

Living with a mind that works this way is exhausting. I know from personal experience. I may be a therapist, but I was also born with an anxious brain. And I know that one of the most frustrating things for people who suffer from anxiety is dealing from well-meaning but unhelpful advice from loved ones. I'm sure you've heard it—"Just don't think about it," "Stop overthinking," "You need to get out of your head," "Don't sweat the small stuff." Oh yes, wouldn't it be nice to just turn your brain off? But that's all easier said than done.

So what does work? For friends and family members, just being there. Ask if there's anything you can do to help. Offer a listening ear. Empathize, but don't try to solve their problems for them.

And for you, the brave soul on the other side of the screen, the one who struggles with anxiety - What will help? Reducing your stressors. Taking care of your physical health. Changing your thought patterns. Finding social support.

I’ll dive into each of those topics in future posts on my therapy blog, but for now, know that you are not alone. Many other people have felt this way. The anxiety, worry, and pressures may be weighing heavily on you right now, but these feelings don't have to last forever.

If you live in the Sacramento area and are considering anxiety treatment, don't hesitate to reach out. I encourage you to give me a call at 916.432.2300 or follow this link to schedule a time to talk.