Sacramento Therapist Book Club - Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs
/What is Sacramento Therapist Book Club?
Sacramento Therapist Book Club is a series of blog posts I’m starting, to review books on a wide range of topics that fall within the sphere of personal growth and trauma healing. I read a lot of self-help books!
I’m obviously a huge proponent of therapy for support and guidance on your journey, but there’s a lot of work you can do on your own to manage your anxiety and other symptoms, and just take better care of yourself. I want to share my thoughts to give you a better idea of whether or not these books would be helpful for you, before you purchase.
I value shopping local and purchase most of my books from Underground Books in Oak Park. If you’re also in the Sacramento area, I highly recommend them!
If you’re on a budget, be sure to check out your local library. I know that the Sacramento Public Library has a copy of the book I’m reviewing today.
Without further ado, let me give you my first book review!
Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty
I’ve followed Mara Glatzel’s work since the early 2010s when she wrote a blog on body image and self-acceptance called Medicinal Marzipan. Currently, I subscribe to her newsletter, and her podcast, also titled Needy, is one of my favorites.
Mara’s voice soothes my anxiety and her podcast is one of my go-tos to listen to when I’m resting, as I know from experience that the information presented in her unique voice helps me feel nourished and not overwhelmed.
When Mara released a book earlier this year, I knew I was on board and even pre-ordered. In my opinion, Needy is the ultimate guide to self-care. Not the idea of self-care we’re sold. Real self-care. The messy, imperfect, but oh-so-worth-it ways of meeting our needs that are actually within reach for busy humans.
Mara shows us how to show up for ourselves in ways that don’t adhere to some lofty ideal, but are practical and doable. She shares my values in that she acknowledges that this work is a long game, a lifelong practice, and not a quick fix.
Mara’s Style
One thing I really like about Needy is that it’s almost entirely written from Mara’s own personal experiences and work with coaching clients. It’s not full of scientific evidence or references to other people’s work.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with books like that, I appreciate science! But, they can tend to feel a bit dry and impersonal to me.
I love hearing people’s stories—personal stories, trauma and all. Whether it’s in my work with therapy clients, or in getting to know people in my personal life, or in reading a book or listening to a podcast, I want to get personal, and deep.
Mara’s way of writing is full of heart and kept me engaged, compared to other non-fiction writing that can feel like a slog to get through.
Opening
The full title of Mara Glatzel’s book is Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty. It opens with one of my favorite poems, “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver. This had me in tears before I even got to the introduction.
Oliver’s line, “You do not have to walk on your knees/ For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting” always gets me. And I think that sets the tone for this book. It’s a needed reminder.
So many of us, especially those of us with a history of trauma, carry an apologetic energy—sorry for existing, sorry for taking up space, sorry for being human. No more.
The Structure
Needy has a chapter dedicated to each of the following needs:
Safety
Rest
Sustenance
Trust
Integrity
Sovereignty
Love
Belonging
Celebration
Mara has a frame work for self-acceptance in which we progress through the following stages:
Self-responsibility
Self-care
Self-trust
Self-love
Each stage builds upon the previous one. Advocacy can be woven into any of these stages, as we find the places where meeting our needs intersects with our relationships with others.
Each chapter includes journaling prompts and practices. This book isn’t just something to read, it’s something to do.
One of my favorite things about the way the book is set up is that following the explanation for each of the practices, there’s a section titled “THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE…” It offers examples of how you might meet this need at each of the self-acceptance stages.
I so appreciate this. I’m always hungry for examples—What does this actually look like? How does one actually do this in your life?
Mara paints a clear picture of the tiniest baby step you can start with, and how meeting these needs can progress over time.
You don’t have to do it all at once! You get to be a beginner, or at whichever stage you’re at.
Finally, each chapter ends with a list of commitments Mara has made to herself, in order to meet the need that chapter focuses on (safety, rest, sustenance, etc.).
Reclaiming “Needy”
In both her podcast and this book, Mara Glatzel helps us reframe and reclaim the word needy.
Before finding her work, I had honestly never heard the word needy used with a positive or even neutral connotation. My inner people pleaser learned at a very young age that being needy is a bad thing. I’m still unlearning this.
I’m really interested in language—the words we use, how we use them, and the meanings—especially emotional meanings—they carry.
Sometimes I make up words, when the standard words don’t fit or I don’t like the connotation the culture has imbued them with. One such word I made up is “needful.”
It’s like needy, but positive. I’ll tell my inner child, “You are so wonderfully needful.”
Feel free to use this if you’re struggling with the word needy and if it resonates with you.
In Conclusion
I highly recommend Needy. This book is for you if you feel like you aren’t taking very good care of yourself. If you struggle to take up space in your own life.
“This book is for those of us who learned to mask our needs under an armor of self-reliance because our needs weren’t met as children.
This book is for those of us who don’t often feel seen, held, or heard.
This book is for those of us trying to tend to our needs in the hidden corners of our lives to protect ourselves from the intimacy of having our messy humanity witnessed and judged.
This book is for those of us who carry the story that no one would stay if they really knew us.
This book is for those of us who abandon ourselves in an attempt to belong.”
Your needs aren’t optional. Now is the perfect time to take your first step towards sovereignty, towards autonomy, towards freedom. Pick up this book today!
