My Values as a Therapist

When I opened my private therapy practice in Sacramento in 2017, I realized I needed to identify my values as a therapist. I thought about what qualities are most important to develop in the process of trauma and anxiety treatment. I am passionate about helping my clients cultivate mindfulness, intuition, authenticity, connection, and empowerment. These values are my guideposts in the journey of healing.

Mindfulness is a buzzword these days, and for good reason. With all the distractions that abound (hello smartphones!) it’s something we need now more than ever.

So what exactly is mindfulness? It’s simply focusing your attention on the present moment and observing your mind, your body, and your surroundings.

When we’re constantly mentally reliving the disappointments of the past or worrying about all the ways things could go wrong in the future, we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering. Mindfulness is the antidote to anxiety.

I teach my therapy clients techniques to stay grounded in the here and now, because your life only truly exists in this moment.

When you are mindful, amid the quiet and stillness you may notice a calm, wise voice within. This is the voice of your intuition.

It may tell you that you’re not living the life that’s meant for you—that it’s time to change careers or end a relationship. Or that you’re finally ready to start healing your trauma.

Messages from your intuition can feel scary, because change can feel scary, and you may try to rationalize them away.

If your life looks good on paper but you still feel like something’s missing, it’s probably because you’re not following your intuition.

By following the inner guidance of your intuition, you begin to come home to yourself.

You’ve heard it a million times – “Just be yourself.” It may sound like trite advice but the alternative has serious consequences.

According to author and former palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware, the number one regret of the dying is that they lived the life others expected of them, instead of living a life true to themselves.

When we’re ruled by anxiety and trauma, it can feel too risky to share your authentic self. So how do you begin to live an authentic life?

I believe that authenticity is a potent combination of vulnerability and embracing imperfection. It involves taking the risk of expressing your true feelings.

The magical thing about authenticity is that it bonds you to people. When others see you living your truth, it gives them permission—better yet, inspiration—to do the same.

Humans are social creatures by nature and our brains are wired to form meaningful connections with others. Thousands of years ago, our survival was dependent on the ‘safety in numbers’ of our tribe.

Today, isolation may not threaten your physical safety, but it negatively impacts your emotional well-being.

I guide my therapy clients to form healthier relationships so that instead of just getting by, they can truly thrive.

Having built a solid foundation of mindfulness, intuition, authenticity, and connection, my ultimate goal for my clients is for them to leave therapy feeling empowered.

I take a strengths-based approach to treatment and I believe it’s just as important to look at what’s going right in your life as it is to examine the areas you want to improve.

By focusing on your strengths, you can become more resilient and cultivate a sense of confidence that translates to every facet of your life.

My favorite thing about being a therapist is helping people uncover their gifts and see themselves in a new light.

Do my values align with yours? If so, let's connect!

Are you looking for a trauma or anxiety therapist in Sacramento? Find out if I'm the right guide for your journey by calling 916.432.2300 or using my online scheduler to book your free 15-minute phone consultation.

Anxiety Trigger: The Fear of Being Seen

It took me 5 years to write this blog post. I feel a bit embarrassed to admit that, but not ashamed. Not anymore.

I’m not even going to say I was procrastinating. More accurately, I felt paralyzed by anxiety. When I sat down to really think about it, I realized there were two main things holding me back—perfectionism, and a fear of being seen.

The Fear of Being Seen

I’ve always been told I was a good writer. And yet, writing this blog still felt anxiety-provoking. As a therapist, the overlap between personal and professional is… Well, the Venn diagram is basically just a circle.

The instrument of my work is me—my authentic self. My emotions, my personality. Yes, I learned some helpful things in school. But the core of what makes therapy work is the relationship, the connection between the client and the therapist. So to share about the work and what I do here, I have to share myself.

Strangely, the most anxiety-inducing part for me isn’t sharing myself with strangers on the internet. And I’m an emotionally-expressive, open book to my close friends. But it’s the in between that feels murky—acquaintances, people I used to know. People I went to high school with. (I grew up here in the Sacramento area.) My teammates. (I’m an athlete.) I’m naturally a very private person.

Like many people, I’m so uncomfortable with the vulnerability of putting myself out there. And at the same time, I have a deep longing to be seen and known. We all do, underneath it all.

Perfectionism

Beyond the anxiety of being witnessed and potentially judged by random old acquaintances, I put off writing the blog because I wanted to do it perfectly. I am still in a process of unlearning toxic overachieving.

In the current time we find ourselves in, there are an overwhelming number of resources (books, articles, podcasts, videos, social media posts - just to name a few) with advice about the optimal way to do any given activity.

There are millions of examples (again, social media) of people out there doing the thing we want to do and doing it better than us. So the little gremlin inside our head whispers to us, “Why bother?” Perfectionism is all or nothing.

Perfectionism is a specific version of the fear of being seen—it’s a fear of being seen as the flawed, limited, still-learning beings that we are. Many of us worry that we won’t have worth if we allow ourselves to be as flawed and human as we are.

Taking Imperfect Action

So why am I telling you this story about how much anxiety I had about writing a blog? Because I have a sneaking suspicion that you too are keeping yourself small in some way. Not taking risks. Waiting for a more “ideal” time.

In other areas, like hobbies, I’ve learned that you can only get better by doing the thing. I thought about trying jiu jitsu for 6 months before I attended my first class. No amount of putting it off could save me from the initial anxiety, awkwardness, and feeling inept that comes with being a white belt newbie. I got better by simply continuing to show up.

I’m an artist. I don’t get better at my art by researching. I don’t get better from watching YouTube videos of other people making art. I get better from putting pen to paper.

I learn the most from the drawings I don’t like. I get specific about what I didn’t like and what I’d like to do differently next time, and I pivot. We acquire new skills in the doing and the pivoting. Taking initiative and getting started is the hardest part.

“Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.”

— Harry S. Truman

I had an old yoga teacher who would always congratulate us for making it to class and getting on our mats, as he said that was the hardest part. And I agree.

Once I start a drawing, I’m in flow, and it takes on a life of its own. My hand just moves across the page, seemingly of its own accord. Convincing myself to start the drawing and make the first mark is the hardest part.

As a recovering perfectionist, I hate the messy rough draft stage. I hate feeling inept. But life is one big messy rough draft to which there is no pristine final copy. We just have to scratch things out and make notes in the margins.

Feeling inept is par for the course in being human. If we want to try anything new, if we want to grow, if we want to be more than who we have been, we’ll have to start as a beginner.

Let’s journey together.

We’re all still learning. Will you join me in taking one small step this week?

What’s your imperfect action? Maybe you can finally take that fitness class you’ve been thinking about trying. Or ask someone on a date! Or start your application for the Big Opportunity that your self-doubt gremlin has been trying to talk you out of.

Let this be our season of being seen!

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Thank you for taking the time to read my imperfect blog post. I hope you found value in it. If you did, it would mean so much to me if you shared it with a friend who struggles with anxiety around being seen. I want this blog to serve as a space where I can provide mental health resources to the community in Sacramento and beyond.